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[22 Aug 2003|10:19am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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Making my journal friends only from now on.
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| [no subject] |
[22 Aug 2003|07:55am] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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No Doubt |
] |
Things are looking pretty good right now. I'm having a blast at class, work is fun-I love who I work with, we always have a great time, Becky is back from Italy, Lora and Joyce are coming to visit soon, I have two beautiful nephews, great friends, a great family, a great guy who makes me feel... well, great... It's good to have good friends. So things are pretty damn good for me right now, no reason for me to complain.
This week has been tiring, only because it's get up at 5:30, get ready for work, go to work and be there by 7:30, get off at 4:30, get home, walk Quebert and Jack, feed them, try and feed myself, get to bartending class by 6, be there until 10, go home, walk Quebert and Jack, and then sleep. So, it's been kinda hectic. I'm sorry if I haven't been available very much lately, or if I haven't noticed anything that may be bothering any of you, things have just been crazy.
Kay, I'm off. <3 to all.
-Ralai
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| blah |
[19 Aug 2003|02:24pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
Y'know... I'm not sure if I'm gonna be posting here for a while. I've been feeling really shitty lately, so maybe it's best if I just don't post for a while.
-Ralai
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| another morning |
[19 Aug 2003|07:28am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Matchbox 20 |
] |
Today I'm still in my mellow mood. Class was really fun last night, I had a great time. I think it'll be good for me, 'cause it'll give me something to do so I don't dwell on stupid shit. (Besides, there's no reason to dwell, dwelling only makes me feel like crap, and why would I wanna feel that way?)
A lot of people think it's ironic that I'm going to a bartending college since I've never been drunk, but the instructor says that's the best way to do it actually. Why? I dunno.
Well, I'm heading off for now. <3 to all.
-Ralai
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| Side note. |
[18 Aug 2003|03:15pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real
And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes
...Obviously he didn't realize it.
-Ralai
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| songs of the moment that fit my mood and life and shit |
[18 Aug 2003|03:05pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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Happy Now
Michelle Branch
No, don’t just walk away
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
You took all there was to take,
And left me with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I am givin' up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,
Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now? yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you really have everything you want?
You could never give somethin' you ain't got
You can’t run away from yourself
Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you're happy now, yeah, yeah
come on, tell it to my face or have i been replaced,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?
Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had that all I can take
I'm not about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?
Bathwater
No Doubt
You and your museum of lovers
The precious collection you've housed in your covers
My simpleness threatened by my own admission
And the bags are much too heavy
In my insecure condition
My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I can't help it...you're my kind of man
Wanted and adored by attractive women
Bountiful selection at your discretion
I know I'm diving into my own destruction
So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?
I don't fit in so why do you want me?
And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying
'Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I'm on your list with all your other women
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
You make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it...you're my kind of man
Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?
So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles
Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble
Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions
'Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
Share a toothbrush...you're my kind of man
I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it...you're my kind of man
No I can't help myself
I can't help myself
I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Sunday Morning
No Doubt
Sappy pathetic little me
That was the girl I used to be
You had me on my knees
I'd trade you places any day
I'd never thought you could be that way
But you looked like me on Sunday
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well... so well
You're trying my shoes on for a change
They look so good but fit so strange
Out of fashion so I can complain
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well... so well
I know who I am, but who are you?
You're not looking like you used to
You're on the other side of the mirror
So nothing's looking quite as clear
Thank you, for turning on the light
Thank you, now you're the parasite
I didn't think you had it in you
And now, you're looking like I used to!
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
And you want me badly
You cannot have me
I thought I knew you
I've got a new view
I thought I knew you well...oh well
Breathe
Michelle Branch
I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
and its keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why I should stay
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say
And I Take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I've been waiting for a chance to let you in
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real
And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
Breathe
So I whisper and I'm,
Hoping you hear me
Do you hear me?
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
I've been drinving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
Motorcycle Driveby
Third Eye Blind
Summer time and the wind is blowing outside in lower Chelsea.
And I don't know what I'm doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes,
It crashes through the windows, And I'm sleeping on the couch,
When I came to visit you,
That's when I knew, That I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm the one who's stupid,
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive.
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes, And you don't mind,
you smile,
And say the world doesn't fit with you.
I don't believe you, You're so serene.
Careening through the universe, Your axis on a tilt, You're guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there's things I would like to do that you don't believe in,
I would like to build something, Buy you'll never going see it happen,
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've,
I've never been so alive,
And there's this burning, There is this burning ay ay ay.
Where's the soul. I want to know, New York City is evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this is the last time, We'll be friends again.
I'll get over you, you'll wonder, who I am.
And there's this burning, Just like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, alone, alive, alive, I've never been so alive, so alive
I go home to the coast. It starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I'm not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise,
The sun goes down in my eyes,
See this rolling wave,
Darkly coming to take me home,
And I never been so alone, And I've never been so alive.
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| Random poem |
[18 Aug 2003|08:54am] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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Dido |
] |
Remember
I awoke early this morning,
rising long before the sun dared to share its warmth.
I sat beside the window in silent reverence,
my eyes peering far into the early morning sky...
And I thought of you.
I thought of the times that we have spent together,
and about the memories that we have shared.
I remembered our correlative dreams, our shed tears, our mirthful laughter...
I wish that our time togethjer didn't have to end,
that I didn't have to leave...
Despite the arduous and troubling times that we have been through,
we survived... somehow.
Even though I must go, know that my feelings for you remain the same as they always have.
Know that I will always carry a piece of you with me,
that I will remember what we had.
That I will dream of you,
that I will never forget us, never forget you.
But most of all, remember that I will always love you, and that this not the end of me and you...
There is no end.
----
I found that poem scratched down on a piece of tattered paper as I was unpacking some of my stuff yesterday. I don't really remember writing it, or what the hell motivated me to write it, all I know is I wrote it back in 2001. Interesting.
-Ralai
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| What the hell is there to say, really? |
[18 Aug 2003|07:35am] |
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mood |
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 numb |
] |
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music |
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``Inflatable`` - Bush |
] |
I'm feeling pretty mellow and calm today. Well, more like numb. That's a more fitting word in all honesty. Just sort of... going through the motions. There's not all that much for me to say.
Would it even matter anyway if I had something to say?
I'm starting to wonder if anyone really knows me at all. Of course, there is the reality that you can never fully, completely know someone, but I'm just starting to feel like no one knows me that well at all. Those who I was close to, for one reason or another, we've drifted. And those who I thought I could get close to never really cared about me at all. How morose is that?
In all honesty, I'm starting to feel empty. I'm tired of always being lonely and constantly questioning what is wrong with me. So I'm thinking feeling empty is a much better course of action. At least that way, I won't have to feel anything, especially pain. I'm tired of being hurt by people and of being cast aside by people and always feeling like I'm just not good enough. That I'm not worth it. I'm tired of it and I'm just plain tired. It's like everyone around me gets to be happy except for me. I always thought I was a decent person, so why can't I be happy? Why aren't I happy? Why do people always end up hurting me and making me feel shitty?
And once again, here I am, complaining when I should just shut my mouth and suck it up and get the fuck over it.
Maybe I'm not such a decent person after all.
-Ralai
p.s. I miss Matt.
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| Not surprising, eh? |
[17 Aug 2003|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
] |
 Your Bedroom Personality Is Romantic!For you, sex is an act of love.What this means:You wait the longest of all types to have sex. You've got to be sure that you're in love... And that your lover is devoted to you. What your lovers love about you:You make sex meaningful, passionate, and emotional. You are caring and gentle throughout the whole act. And once you have sex, you're likely to stick around for a while. What your lovers can't stand about you:For you sex and love are so entertwined... That good sex can make you too attached. And bad sex can make you feel unloved. What's *Your* Bedroom Personality?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva |
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[17 Aug 2003|08:16pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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which is actually less than the average, 46%.
Based on the 8,399,861 test takers so far:
you're sluttier than 3% of the world.
you're cleaner than 97% of the world.
You are 82% Pure!
(Very interesting.)
Here's how the REST of the world breaks down, compared to you:
people less pure than you (92%)
people like you (1%)
people more pure than you (7%)
Based on the 13,262,940 submissions before you.
Go to:
http://test3.thespark.com/puritytest/
to take the test yourself!
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[17 Aug 2003|06:24pm] |
Things are all right for the time being. Just chillin'. Love to all. <3
-Ralai
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| Feeling like shit. |
[16 Aug 2003|02:06pm] |
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mood |
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 intimidated |
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There are two people who can instantly make me feel like complete and utter shit without even saying a word. Juanita, my friend, is one of them. I don't know what the hell it is about her, but she can make me feel so small, stupid, and shitty without even uttering a damn fucking word.
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[15 Aug 2003|03:51pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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Today has gone all right I guess. Now I'm just waiting to get off of work so I can get home and move all of the furniture into the apartment.
I talked to Anthony for a bit earlier, I think we might hang out sometime to really talk. That'd be cool I think.
I miss Matt. Blah. Goin' now.
-Ralai
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[15 Aug 2003|07:18am] |
Wonder what's goin' on with Kala? o.O And Anthony took me outta his favs over at ftj... Wonder what I did to deserve that one. Ah, oh well. A little disheartening, but I'll get over it.
I got to talk to Matt last night. Haha, yeah! I missed him mucho. He's so sweet. That's pretty much about it. Love to all.
<3
-Ralai
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[14 Aug 2003|01:07pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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As much as I adore Billy Corgan it was well past time for a layout change. No one should be surprised with my theme if they know me well. <3
-Ralai
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| This is cute :) |
[14 Aug 2003|11:19am] |
Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter
from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us
is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please
return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Becky
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots
they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts,
cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the
other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There
were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take
your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
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[14 Aug 2003|07:34am] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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music |
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No Doubt |
] |
Well... yesterday was a rather stressful one. But I got to talk to Manda and Kim, so that was something on the up side. Matt also called me... it was so nice to hear from him, even though it was only for a few minutes. I'm kind of worried about him... he sounded really down or upset or something... There was just something in his voice that was off. I hope he's okay. He didn't say too much really... another reason why I'm kinda worried. These past few weeks have been pretty hard on me, and Matt's been the only one who's been calling me really, so I hope he knows that I'm always here for him. I have good friends I know I can call, it's just a matter of me feeling like a bother. Everyone has their own stuff to deal with...
...besides, when you do try to lean on someone who claims they are your friend and that they care about you, and you open up and make a comment such as "I just feel like I'm falling apart right now" and they simply ignore it and inquire about your hawaiian exotic dancing friend... doesn't exactly make you feel like there's a point.
I'm learning to deal on my own. I should be use to it now as it is. Love to all.
-Ralai
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[13 Aug 2003|12:54pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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Matt emailed me a few days ago... but I never got a chance to check my mail until today. All I have to say is that is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.
-Ralai
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[13 Aug 2003|11:59am] |
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mood |
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okay |
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Gen's angry... with good reason. I don't know why Em does the things she does sometimes. I told her why I've been annoyed with her, and she asked if that was the same reason Gen has been, all I said was I don't know. I don't want to be saying something Gen doesn't want me to.
So, here's the deal... Gen likes this guy we see around base a lot, and Em had to go and honk at him. So he looks up, natuarally, at the driver-since obviously that's who honked, so I just waved so distract him from her. Didn't really know what else to do. But now Gen is highly unhappy with the entire situation.
Saw Trey today. He's pretty nice. We're probably gonna hang out sometime.
Matt's been hella busy, and I miss him tons.
That's about the it.
<3 for all.
-Ralai
p.s. Hope Kala and Anthony have fun at the concert :)
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