Current mood:	numb
Current music:	``Inflatable`` - Bush

What the hell is there to say, really?
I'm feeling pretty mellow and calm today. Well, more like numb. That's a more fitting word in all honesty. Just sort of... going through the motions. There's not all that much for me to say.

Would it even matter anyway if I had something to say?

I'm starting to wonder if anyone really knows me at all. Of course, there is the reality that you can never fully, completely know someone, but I'm just starting to feel like no one knows me that well at all. Those who I was close to, for one reason or another, we've drifted. And those who I thought I could get close to never really cared about me at all. How morose is that?

In all honesty, I'm starting to feel empty. I'm tired of always being lonely and constantly questioning what is wrong with me. So I'm thinking feeling empty is a much better course of action. At least that way, I won't have to feel anything, especially pain. I'm tired of being hurt by people and of being cast aside by people and always feeling like I'm just not good enough. That I'm not worth it. I'm tired of it and I'm just plain tired. It's like everyone around me gets to be happy except for me. I always thought I was a decent person, so why can't I be happy? Why aren't I happy? Why do people always end up hurting me and making me feel shitty?

And once again, here I am, complaining when I should just shut my mouth and suck it up and get the fuck over it.

Maybe I'm not such a decent person after all.

-Ralai

p.s. I miss Matt.