|
[13 Aug 2003|07:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rejuvenated |
] |
Well, I learned a lot of things last night, and am happy to say that now it seems as if I can finally let things be. And be very content with the way they are. Things are all squared away.
Apparently I'm getting married to Matt on August 22, 2005.
Kala and I talked for a very long time last night, that was very interesting, not to mention fun. She's a kick ass person.
Short update, not too much to say right now. Besides, I gotta get to work.
-Ralai
|
|
|
[12 Aug 2003|07:37am] |
|
Don’t tell me what to think
Cause I don’t care this time
Don’t tell me what you believe
Cause you won’t be there
To catch me when I fall
But you’ll need me when I’m not here at all
Miss me when I’m gone again, yeah
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again, yeah
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again
Don’t tell me how life is
Cause I don’t really don’t want to know
Don’t tell me how this game ends
Cause we’ll just see how it goes
Catch me when I fall
Or you’ll need me when I’m not here at all
Miss me when I’m gone again, yeah
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again, yeah
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again, yeah
Now, I’m all the way down here
I’m falling
I’m all the way down here
I’m falling down again
I’m falling down
I’m falling down
I’m falling down
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again,
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again
Now, I’m all the way down here
I’m falling
All the way
All the way down here
I’m falling down again now I’m falling down
|
|
|
[12 Aug 2003|07:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AFI |
] |
Today I am feeling much better. I didn't get to talk to Matt last night, which kind of sucks, but hopefully I will tonight. He's such a doll. I really hope I can get to go visit him, 'cause I really miss him.
Goin' now. Love to all.
-Ralai
|
|
|
[11 Aug 2003|02:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 uncomfortable |
] |
I don't know what my problem is but I have been feeling antsy and stressed out all day long. I just feel sick to my stomach, and all for nothing... but obviously it's something or else I wouldn't be feeling this way, right?
I've learned not to assume anything. So, Anthony, I'm sorry for doing that.
Also, I know there's no need to question if Anthony cares/cared about me, because if he didn't he wouldn't worry about hurting me... besides, I know him well enough to know he's not like that. So once again, apologies.
I'm just feeling stressed out right now and I feel like there's really no one there for me right now. I know people say they are, but when I try to lean on them they end up ignoring me or just don't have time... so what's the point?
I miss Matt.
-Ralai
|
|
|
[11 Aug 2003|08:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 melancholy |
] |
Okay... an entry in Anthony's journal has been really bothering me. He said he can't understand why he's accepting less than quality people to date and why he keeps going on shitty dates with girls he knows won't last...
I didn't realize I was less than quality to date... or that our dates were shitty... In fact, I thought we had a great time together, but hey-maybe I judged wrong or something. Maybe I was the only one who had a good time? Who knows.
Blah.
-Ralai
|
|
|
[11 Aug 2003|07:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
Two nights in a row where I've had dreams that consist of confusing crap. I don't get it...
Moving on. Yet again, Anthony confuses me. We talked on Friday, and he said "The night you stayed the night I couldn't sleep, I kept staring at you, thinking how great you were and how much I respected you"... So... he wants to be with someone he can't respect?
I dunno. I just don't get it. He says I was perfect for him, but obviously I wasn't... I don't even know if he cared about me-because if he did, why wouldn't me being ready be worth waiting for? Why wasn't I worth it?
I didn't get to talk to Matt last night before I went to bed... kinda made me sad. I like my nightly talks with him. He makes me feel like I'm worth something.
Blah. I'm gonna go now. Love for all.
-Ralai
|
|
| Pertaining a certain someone, they probably know who they are. |
[11 Aug 2003|07:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away
I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
|
|
|
[08 Aug 2003|01:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
No Doubt |
] |
I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me. It's frustrating. I don't like being lonely, but there's times when I think it's just my place or something, and that is just utterly depressing. I always meet guys who just want sex or to mess around, or whatever... but that just isn't me. It never has been and never will be. When I do something with someone I want it to mean something.
...No. I want it to mean everything.
That's just me. I'm not easily swayed. I don't fold for anyone... I'll do something when it feels right. I want to establish an emotional connection with someone before a physical one. It's so sad how casual sex and physicallity have become. I want to get to know them and care about them.
I always meet guys who say "Oh yeah, that's completely fine" or some even go so far as to say, "you're the kind of girl I'm looking for" when it comes to my lack of physical experience. Then when we start talking more, or dating, whatever, it all changes. All of the sudden it's, "so... um... when are we gonna mess around? is it a time thing or what?"... Frustrating. It's happened so many times that I can't even count them. It's not a time thing. It's a trust thing. A comfort thing. A connection thing... why can't people get that? Why can't they just take the time to understand me? Is that really so much to ask?
So, I always end up getting pushed aside. Get dubbed as the "nice girl" or the "really sweet girl", for girls who will mess around and have sex. And for what? For it not to last? I've had quite a few guys who had an interest in me, but decided that waiting for me to get comfortable was just too hard and they went on to some girl who would just jump them... and then they realize that isn't the sort of relationship they wanted. So... beg the question, why base a relationship on physical things? Eventually, yes, physicallity is going to become important and play a role in a relationship, but why, these days, does it get pushed up to the pedistal? It's like guys think, "screw the girl who really cares about me, I'll go for this one who will have sex with me".
I just hope that I meet someone that is mature enough to get me. So far, it seems that Matt's been the only one. He keeps telling me to move to Rhode Island and marry him... maybe I should.
Love to all.
-Ralai
|
|
| yada yada yada |
[08 Aug 2003|08:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
Hey hey. I'm back again. Gen and I have moved into our apartment. Woo! Very exciting. We are happy campers. We also got a pamaranian puppy. His name is Captain Jack Sparrow. Him and Quebert are buddies.
I'm so glad that it's the weekend. Though there isn't going to be much relaxing, we're gonna be moving in and all. I still can't believe I am off without the parents. It's so nice.
Matt called me last night, but we didn't get to talk too much. He was tired and fell asleep on me. He's adorable. Gotta adore him. Anyway, I'm off for now.
-Ralai
|
|
| kay, need some help here |
[04 Aug 2003|01:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
I'm really starting to feel down now. I've been trying really hard to keep myself upbeat, but I'm starting to lose my resolve here, so gimme some love guys. Somethin', anythin'. I'm tired of being sad all of the time.
-Ralai
<3 for all.
|
|
| well |
[01 Aug 2003|01:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
I'm really feeling brushed off now. But it's fine. I wasn't exactly making the best of efforts to keep in touch with this person, so perhaps this is what I deserved. Oh well. I still have many great friends to love.
So, Gen and I are moving in to our place on August 7th. Very exciting... I can't wait. It's gonna be so nice to be on my own, I haven't been before. No parents. They'll be close though, and I'm not gonna start ignoring them or anything-I love my family. I'm not gonna be like my brother, Danny. He hardly ever sees or talks to us now, it's depressing. Caleb is gonna grow up not knowing me very well, and that is very sad... It makes me sad. Alex will know me though, 'cause Chris is very family orientated. For some reason, Chris and I have grown pretty close these past few years. It's strange because we use to never really get along. But when you grow up, I guess, things change.
Anyway, I'm gonna go fer now.
Love to all. <3333 Madness, Jamz, Fawn, Kim, Candi-lic-ious, Ambs, Kat, Cam, Clare, Eric, Gen, Angie.
-Ralai
|
|
|
[31 Jul 2003|08:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
melancholy |
] |
I'm feeling pretty crappy today. I know that I haven't really talked to many people lately, but I haven't done anything mean or wrong to them either. And I just feel like certain people are giving me the brush off, just because I don't see things their way. I have nothing bad to say about anyone.
I'm just sad. I feel... I don't know, alone today. I miss how things use to be. And I miss my friends who live far away or have moved or are in the military. And I'm worried about my Grandma... I just want to feel comforted I guess, and I just... don't.
<3 for all.
-Ralai
|
|
| just another day |
[28 Jul 2003|08:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
Gen and I got a puppy on Friday. His name is Quebert, pronounced as Q - Bert, not K - Bert. He's adorable. A pittbull. Most people are like "are you insane? Pitts are mean!", but it's all in how you raise 'em people. My brother has a pitt named Ruckus and he isn't mean, and my Aunt has one named Bud and he's the coolest calmest dog alive. Quebert is pretty laid back, he lays around a lot. He's friggin' cute though. We think he may be part pitt, part boxer, or something else. Not sure. Doesn't matter cause we love him the way he is. :) We took him to Petsmart and got him all sorts of crap, and he picked out his ball and carried it all the way to the register, he even led us to the one that was open. How cute is that??? He's only gone to the bathroom in the house on Saturday, and he even went to the door but he couldn't hold it anymore and we didn't see him in time. All the other times he's waited until he was outside to go. I think he's all ready catching on to his name too, and he knows what the word NO means. He's a pretty smart dog. We take him everywhere with us, and he doesn't go to the bathroom in the car either-he waits until we take him out and as soon as we set him down and he has to go, he goes. He's so cute! Everyone asks us why we didn't get a cat or a little dog, but we didn't want either of those-we're two single girls living alone in Colorado Springs in nice apartments, but not in the nicest aread-we wanted a little bit of securtity and protection. And I don't think many people will mess with us when Quebert gets bigger. Thankfully the apartments allows all breeds of dogs.
There's a lot more to type, so...
( In honor of Gen I will do the Cut Text thing... Click here to read about how Gen and I got surrounded by a drunkin mob if redneck fools... )
|
|
| inspired |
[16 Jul 2003|06:28pm] |
|
Wrote a poem just for Jamie:
Always
You always captivate me with your resonating charm,
and make me feel like I can always rest in your arms.
You always know just what to say to make me smile,
I wish that I could hold on to you, for just a little while.
You make me believe that dreaming is worth the world,
you make me feel like I am more than just a girl.
You're such a selfless wonder, and know that with me, you never have to pretend.
I hope you know how lovely you are, and that I'm lucky to have you as a friend.
<333 4 the Jamz.
-Ralai
|
|
| random-ness |
[16 Jul 2003|04:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
Random Icons, some SMG, some Gwen Stefani, 1 Seth Green, 1 Alyson Hannigan,1 Justin Timberlake,1 Gavin Rossdale, 1 Eminem, 1 No Doubt. Comment if you take! Thanks!
( And You're Consuming Me Violently... )
|
|
| perhaps I was feeling angsty? |
[14 Jul 2003|10:14pm] |
Maybe I'm feeling a little annoyed? Hm... here's a poem I wrote, you all be the judge:
I Wish
I wish this fucking confusion would leave my veins.
I wish I could lock it up with you, and toss it away.
I wish that I didn't care about you,
or the stupid senseless shit you do.
I wish that I could snuff this fire out,
wash away all of your lies and doubts.
I wish I could wash my skin clean of your kisses,
I wish I could crush your touch and resist it.
I wish I wasn't full of this damn need,
I wish that everyone's warnings, I could heed.
I wish that you didn't taste so good,
I wish that I could do what I should.
I wish that I didn't miss you,
I wish that I didn't care if you told the truth.
I wish that I didn't cherish every moment we share,
I wish I didn't need them, that I didn't care.
I wish I could rip the thought of you out of my head,
I wish that I could drown in a sea of red.
I wish that you never touched me,
I wish that I could set myself free.
I wish that I could just let go,
I wish you knew the pain that I know.
I wish I could make you hurt,
and bury you in my emotional dirt.
I wish that I could bleed myself dry,
rid myself of what's left of you inside.
I wish that you would just fade,
I wish I could play the games that you play.
I wish that I could hate you,
I wish that like you, I could be cruel.
I wish that my feelings for you would die,
I wish that you could see through my eyes.
I wish that you had never kissed me,
but most of all, I wish that you miss me.
|
|
| hm |
[11 Jul 2003|10:05am] |
:x: name = Tricia [though most online know me as Loralai]
:x: piercings = Ears, tongue, and possibly belly button soon o.o
:x: tattoos = One, black and lavender dragonfly on the back of my right shoulder... gonna be getting a blue and green one on the back of my left soon.
:x: height = 5'1"
:x: shoe size = 6
:x: hair color = Strawberry blonde
:x: length = Um, a lil past my chin, layered...
:x: siblings = two older brothers, Chris is 25 and Danny is 23. Two sister-in-laws, Chris' wife's name is Mandy, and Danny's wife's name is Christine.
LAST...
:x: movie you rented = Zoolander... okay, so I "borrowed/rented" it from Gen, so sue me...
:x: movie you bought = Um... I bought season 3/4 of Buffy on DVD for Manda, last "movie" type thing I bought.
:x: song you listened to = "Feel Good Time" - Pink
:x: song that was stuck in your head = ..."Feel Good Time" - Pink
:x: cd you listened to = Return of Saturn, No Doubt
:x: person you've called = Faye
:x: person that's called you = Emily
:x: tv show you've watched = JAG
:x: person you were thinking of = ...Anthony.
DO...
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = In my own place. Lol.
:x: you think about suicide = who hasn't?
:x: you believe in online dating = Um... done it, so can't knock it.
:x: others find you attractive = Um... lmao no..
:x: you want more piercings = Yes.
:x: you drink = No.
:x: you do drugs = Nope.
:x: you smoke = No, never have, never will
:x: you like cleaning = No really, but I'll do it cause... it's gotta be done
:x: you like roller coasters = Depends... o.o
:x: you write in cursive or print = I mix my writing, it's always half in half
:x: you carry a donor card = Yes.
FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = For.
:x: using someone = Against.
:x: killing people = Against... unless they've killed someone, then they deserve the death penalty.
:x: teenage smoking = ...um, who cares? I'm not a mother yet.
:x: driving drunk = Very against.
:x: gay/lesbian relationship = For.
:x: soap operas = Who cares?
FAVORITE...
:x: food = Chicken!!! [Popeyes muahaha!]
:x: song = "Artificial Sweetner"-No Doubt, "In My Head" - No Doubt, "Too Late" - No Doubt... seeing a trend here? Ah, fuck it, anything by No Doubt.
:x: thing to do = Hang with my friends.
:x: thing to talk about = ...Everything and anything.
:x: sports = hockey and football [to watch]
:x: drinks = pepsi and kiwi strawberry snapple
:x: clothes = punk
:x: movies = comedies
:x: band/singer = No Doubt-does this surpise anyone? Bush, Garbage, The Used, Eminem...
:x: holiday = Christmas and Halloween
:x: new nerdy saying = "Frazzled"
:x: disney movie = Aladin
:x: scent = anything that smells good lol
:x: word = malarkey
:x: nickname = Loraness, Trish-a-Lish, Lora-licious, Peeper, Little Bit
:x: guy name = Ezra, Tiernan... Larit.
:x: girl name = Aureleah, Wynter, Illyannah, Auraleese
:x: eye color = mine are blue... my fav are brown and green
:x: flower= White roses
:x: piercing = lip
:x: actress = Sarah Michelle Gellar
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty = No.
:x: funny = Sometimes.
:x: hot = Hell no.
:x: friendly = Yes.
:x: amusing = Sometimes.
:x: ugly = Kinda.
:x: loveable = Sure.
:x: pessimistic = Ha ha... yeah.
:x: optimistic = Try to be.
:x: caring = Yes.
:x: sweet = I suppose.
:x: dorky = Always.
|
|
| blah blah blah dee blah |
[11 Jul 2003|09:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
80s Hits |
] |
All right... I haven't updated in a while it seems. Before I get into the long drawn out entry I know I may possibly type, I gotta say Kansas was awesome, seeing Manda was awesome, her family is awesome, and Manda is awesome.
<333 for the Madness.
And... <333 for Genevieve. Gen, you've been so awesome to me, and I love you. I hope you know you're becoming one of my best friends, and I promise I won't bring any "strays" around when we hang out unless it's planned. :)
Now...
( You Can Call me Hopeless... )
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
majestictragedy's journal